Source: Gunning Hawk
Sorry, kid who preemptively ordered that Klaas-Jan Huntelaar Arsenal jersey in 2008, I was as disappointed as you were that we never brought the Dutch striker to Arsenal, forming a formidable double-barreled shotgun with Robin van Persie. I feel bad for you. You got excited, wrapped up in the transfer rumours spewed out by the press like gluttonous chunks from an overpissed patron, and went out and bought yourself a top. It’s an honest mistake, something even the most cynical Arsenal fan could’ve made.The plus-side (for me) is that I still have £75 in my bank account, while you’re forever stuck with an ironic tribute to our manager’s tight-fisted transfer policy.
And another sorry to you, woman who bought Mathieu Flamini’s Arsenal kit two years ago. You never expected he’d leave so soon, did you? I don’t blame you, none of us did, and we certainly haven’t had the same hard-nosed edge since his unpleasant departure. But now what? What can you do with a Flamini Arsenal jersey other than burn it in effigy? It’s got the right name on front and the wrong name on back.
Needless to say, buying a kit these days can be an exhausting affair. With the overwhelming exchange of players throughout Europe, swapping teams like prostitutes exchanging tricks, it’s hard to find a good fabric investment anymore. I’ve fallen under the spell myself in the past, buying a Chicago Cubs jersey of a player who, for all intents and purposes, played himself out of the starting lineup with lazy performances and career-low statistics. Sigh. I donated that jersey to Goodwill earlier this year.
So what’s a fan to do? You can buy a plain jersey without a name on back (lame), you can buy a custom jersey with your own name and number on the back (IDIOT 69 is usually a good way to distinguish yourself from the rest of us), or you can close your eyes and point at the team picture to decide which player you’re going to waste your money on.
It comes down to loyalty, something that’s disappeared from football in the last decade. Players used to play for their clubs, for their cities, for the fans who were willing to build their lives around the team, who lived and breathed in harmony with the players themselves. Now? It’s about money. Where can I find the most money? That’s it, it’s that simple now for 90 percent of the footballing world, and that makes buying a jersey a blind spin of a roulette wheel.
I’ve considered all the variables that make buying a jersey so hard and have come up with a set of rules, a sort of “guide” to buying the right jersey you can be proud of for years.
Rule #1: Don’t get overexcited about new signings
I know, it’s like putting a drink in front of a raging alcoholic. Football fans love new signings, they represent the fulfillment of years of unsatisfied hopes and dreams; a pressure release valve for a frustrated fanbase. The monstrous void we perceive within our clubs is suddenly filled with aplomb by some 17-year-old kid from the Amazon rainforest and we beatify this new signing by emblazoning his name across our backs. I think Arsenal fans, more than any other group in the world, know the magnetism of the mysterious signing. Our manager likes to keep his checkbook tucked tightly in his suit pocket, so when he finally does make a signing, there’s a nuclear reaction that occurs where players end up canonized before ever stepping onto the pitch.
This is the leading cause of jersey regret.
When Andrei Arshavin signed with Arsenal in January of 2009, Arsenal fans went bonkers, myself included, and swooped up his jersey with reckless abandon as we watched him scream around the field like a Soviet missile. One year later, he’s chatting up Barcelona, wandering listlessly through matches, and whinging endlessly about British taxes. Does that mean all those fans who bought his jersey should run them through an industrial paper shredder? Absolutely not. But it shows how volatile new signings can be, and pledging your monetary allegiance to someone who could leave the club for the next big paycheck can be an eye-opening (and wallet-closing) experience.
With the World Cup in full swing now, it’s even easier to be drawn into the excitement of potential new signings. Watching these players perform on the grandest stage can have a blinding effect to the reality of their skills. We see them for one month, just a handful of tournament games, and are often enticed into overvaluing their talent. It’s why so many managers, Wenger included, want to finish their business before the World Cup ever starts. We fans should do the same.
Rule #2: Do your research!
Where did the player come from? How long was he there? Why did he leave his last club? How often is he injured? How old is he? How many years does he have left on his contract?
We all should’ve seen the Flamini incident coming from a mile away. A French exchange student I lived with, Julien, was from Marseille and a die-hard OM supporter. I used to taunt him over Flamini when we lived together, the feisty midfielder had just betrayed his club to come to mine, and labored to show him how amazing and influential Flamini had become in our midfield. But Julien kept warning me, “He’s a rat, he’s a rat, just you wait and see!” (in a French accent, of course), because he knew the character of the player from his public disloyalty to Marseille. But we didn’t follow Rule #1, we got overexcited about a new signing, and now an army of Flamini jerseys hang uncomfortably in closets around the world.
When new signings come to the club, it’s okay to be wary, it’s okay to ask yourselves those questions above. We’ve heard from hundreds of former Gunners that Arsenal was their “dream club,” and we’ve seen a lot of former Arsenal players kiss the badge like they kissed their mothers. A player may change teams, but his character rarely follows suit, and that’s why it’s vitally important to do your research before buying a jersey.
Rule #3: Positions matter
Who’s more likely to leave? The stalwart right back who flies under the radar with consistent, powerful performances or the dazzling midfielder who leaves opponents and fans in awe?
It’s a bit of a no-brainer, isn’t it? But resisting the allure of the playmaker is something I myself have never been able to overcome. I love playmakers, I love creative footballers and I value them, and overvalue the, above all else sometimes. And that’s why theorizing about jerseys is so important. If a fan is going to have something he or she can wear for years to come, shunning the playmaker may be the best choice. Look at Alex Hleb, Tomas Rosicky,
But that doesn’t mean you should make a bad purchase and hang your head in shame as you leave the Armory with a Manuel Almunia kit. Get excited about our players, tie your allegiance to the brilliant playmakers, and point to the name on your back when your favorite player scores a goal.
This rule is just part of the whole.
Rule #4: Prestige is still important
You’re not going to turn a lot of heads with your Lukasz Fabianski jersey. Frankly, you’re more likely to get beat up in a dark alley by Wojeich Szczesny’s parents, sick of watching ol’ Flappyhands paw at crosses while Wenger nods in tacit approval.
You want to show your love of the club in a way that doesn’t alienate you or frighten your fellow Gooners, and attention-grabbing jerseys with your name, your nickname, a youth player’s name you liked because you saw him in the Carling Cup one time, aren’t the way to go. No, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t splurge for someone you truly believe in (that sounded Freudian), but if you’re going to do it, you better have done your research.
Buying a top player’s jersey, as weird as it sounds, can actually help keep that player at your club. The fans speak through their jerseys, and the players know and understand their jersey sale volumes (because they get a kickback for the number of jerseys sold). Investing in a top player’s jersey is investing in the player himself, just make sure he isn’t going to leave anytime soon. At this point, Cesc Fabregas jerseys should be hands off until after the summer.
Although here’s a thought, why don’t the clubs give a repurchase credit to any fans who bring in a recently-sold player’s jersey to the team shop. Give it a three-month window, something like that, and allow them to use their credit toward purchase of a new jersey. Sometimes I amaze myself.
So who’s the winner? Which Arsenal player best passes the jersey rules test?
The bottom line is that this is a much harder decision than it should be. It’s unfair that fans have to go through this type of turnover, that we can’t latch onto players for a decade, that we can’t tell stories about a player’s first game while watching his last. It sucks, and I hate that footballers, really football in general, have become so blasé toward the fans.
That’s really what this is about: Empowering the fans to support the right kind of players and invest their money with long-term returns. We don’t have to sit back and take it. We can speak with our money, we can speak with our allegiances, and we can tell our club and our players who really deserves our support.